The Consequences of Fornication
by TheDominoEffect
Summary: He blamed his parents, “—when a woman gets pregnant, it takes nine months for the baby to develop from an egg to an actual baby. And since there are nine months between February and November, I figured you’d know that—” Stupid birthdays.


welcome to my humble abode.

**Disclaimer:** The things I would do with the money I'd have if I owned Gakuen Alice…

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_The _**Consequences**_ of _Fornication

T_h_**e**D_**o**m_i**n**_oEff__e_c**t**

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Natsume really didn't understand the hype about birthdays. They were overrated. It was just another excuse to waste rabbits and eat sweets and if Natsume was being totally honest, it was just another day to remind him he was stuck in this place for another few years.

… if he didn't kick the bucket before graduation, of course.

"You're so morbid, Natsume," Mikan scoffed when he told her this, as they hung out in class. Her job was to keep him occupied as Ruka and the others set up the birthday party in Natsume's room.

Funny thing was, they moved about with their secret looks and winning grins as if he couldn't already make out their plans. Every mouthed word they thought he didn't see and the giggles they shared thinking he'd be so _surprised_ made Natsume want to look at them and ask, "Do you really think I'm that stupid?"

But he'd think about her and her reaction, _which would probably be so crestfallen and disappointed_, and then he couldn't seem to muster up enough nerve to do it. So while the stupid girl with the large brown eyes talked to him about nonsensical matters like birthdays and homework assignments and that sweet lady at the Howalon shop with the big mole on her lip that looked like an extra nose—a hairy nose, might he add—Natsume wondered why exactly he put up with these birthday _shenanigans _every year. After all, a surprise party isn't much of a "surprise" when they threw one every year.

"I mean, I love birthdays!" Mikan chirped, looking over at him lying on one of the desks. "It's a day we all get together to celebrate the day you were born! It's _special_, Natsume. Without you, we wouldn't be a family. Without you, we wouldn't be as close as we are. Without you, and today, there wouldn't be that one extra thing to smile about."

Funny, Natsume thought, when he turned the idea over in his head. When he mulled it over, that was precisely the same thing he thought when he thought about her.

"That's a cliché, Polka Dots, a corny one at that," he muttered gruffly. "It's a day that shows we're just that much closer to dying."

"Oh, very mature, Natsume," Mikan said with a huff. She leaned her elbows on her knees and peered at him from under her eyelashes, watching as his eyelids fluttered when his eyes were closed. "Why do you always think like that? Why not think of it as something to celebrate? You're one year closer to graduating! You're one year closer to getting to high school! You're one year closer to getting your license and you're one year closer to freedom! To fly off to wherever you want, with whoever you want." As she moved through the list, Mikan couldn't help but frown. As an afterthought, she said slowly, "That's what you want, right?"

Natsume opened his eyes carefully and looked at her. "Why do you sound like you're sad about it?" he countered instead.

"Don't answer my question with another question."

"Since when have I ever taken orders from you, Little Girl?"

She scowled down at him. "I'm not a little girl anymore!"

"Your mental capacity tells a different story."

She growled at him but was too preoccupied to say anything. Finally, when seconds ticked by and he didn't seem to plan on answering once more, Mikan scooted to the edge of the table and leaned in so that her face was as close to his as possible. With a smile in her voice, she said, "Say, Natsume. Your birthday's today, right?"

Natsume wanted to answer with a sarcastic comment, but thought better about it, closed his lips and treated it as a rhetorical question.

"RIGHT, NATSUME?" she pressed.

With a sigh, Natsume propped his head up with one folded arm and muttered, "What are you getting at, Polka Dots?"

He closed his eyes and didn't see the wicked grin on her face. "Well, if it's in November… you do realize what that means, right?"

"Yeah." His voice was nonchalant. "That you should get to your point in two seconds before I burn one of your pigtails right off." His mind briefly wandered to the soft feel of her long auburn hair—now if only she would let it down and stop trying to look like a five year old girl.

"No, silly," Mikan laughed, not noticing the sarcastic gleam in his voice. "Your birthday's in November! That means you were _totally _conceived when your parents were celebrating Valentine's Day!"

"_What_." Natsume almost sputtered. Quickly feeling the heat flooding into his cheeks, Natsume opted to turn his head in the direction of the furthest wall from his partner, hoping to mask the pink hue blooming on his face. What he didn't know was the back of his neck was quickly following suit. "What are you getting at, Polka Dots?"

Mikan almost laughed out loud, well aware the embarrassment and awkwardness was making him uncomfortable. And since he was so damn cool and collected all of the time, Mikan decided to play around a little bit and _push_ him. "Your parents had sex on Valentine's Day! Duh!"

This time Natsume _did _sputter and in one swift movement, he'd jolted into a sitting position and glared at her from over one shoulder. "Where the hell did you come up with _that _one?"

"Well," Mikan started, speaking like she was teaching a child a lesson, "—when a woman gets pregnant, it takes nine months for the baby to develop from an egg to an _actual _baby. And since there are nine months between February and November, I figured you'd know tha—"

"I'm not talking about _that_, stupid," Natsume gritted from clenched teeth. "I'm asking where you got that idea from. You're not usually so perverted."

"P-p-perverted!?" Mikan squeaked. "Heck no! That's _your _title, you short eye-browed freak!"

"I'm the one who's perverted when you're imagining my parents having sex on Valentine's? I never knew you were into something so kinky," Natsume commented, his voice a deadly calm.

"I was just putting two and two together!"

Natsume's lip tugged upwards in a smug expression. "Sure you were."

"Argh!" She screeched in frustration. "Stop it! Stop! You're putting words into my mouth—thoughts into my mind! Stop polluting my virgin _mind_!"

The tone in Natsume's voice was downright wicked. "Is it really?"

"Is _what_ really, you panty thief!"

"Your mind," Natsume reiterated offhandedly. "Is it really virginal?"

Mikan wasn't sure if she could get any redder. She was _so _certain she could finally put one over on him, say something so smart that he'd be rendered speechless but all of her confidence was shot to hell. She hadn't thought it through well enough when she spoke. What else was new?

"Yes! Ugh! I'm not like you. Unlike you, I don't hide…" Mikan struggled for the word, "—_enjoyments_ under manga covers!"

Natsume blinked. "What are you talking about?"

It was Mikan's turn to smirk. She had been able to turn the tables, it seemed. "Please, Natsume. _Everyone_ knows that you're not actually reading manga."

"Of course I'm reading manga, idiot!"

"Yeah," She snorted, her eyes rolling towards the ceiling. "Because you're a real big _Sailor Moon_ fan."

Natsume's mind whirred to life before a flash of red streaked across his vision. "Where in the _world_ could I get porn in Alice Academy, you dolt?"

"You could smuggle it."

"You're ridiculous."

"And _you're_ avoiding the topic." She grinned smugly. "I am _so_ dead on about this."

"Try dead last," Natsume growled, swinging his feet off the desk and slumping until his elbow rested on one knee. "Why are all of you so annoying?"

Mikan froze and Natsume, always the careful observant, inwardly cursed himself when he saw her flinch. Her crestfallen face, full of disappointment, flashed in his mind. In a small, curious voice, she asked, "What do you mean by _'all of you'_?"

Natsume cleared his throat. "Hn."

Mikan leaned forward, their noses nearly touching. "Natsume…"

He blinked. He could feel his heart almost stopping and instantly chided himself for being a fool. He'd ruined her day. Not that he cared about her day… he just didn't want her whining and expending the full force of her pleading puppy dog eyes on him.

"… Do you have voices inside your head?"

He smothered his surprise well.

Only Mikan, Natsume mused, would make that assumption. "Polka dots."

"Don't give me that _'you're-an-idiot' _look!" Mikan glared and crossed her arms. She stomped a foot onto the seat to reinforce her irritation. "I'm genuinely—" _"I can see your panties_." "—concerned about you!"

Natsume snorted when the heat of her anger appeared on her cheeks.

In a stiff voice of repressed anger, she sniffed, "You really don't care, do you?"

Natsume cringed.

"I mean, really. You never appreciate anything and—"

"Polka—"

"—and it's like you don't care what we do for you. You don't care how much time and effort we put out to get through to you. You don't care _how _hard we're trying to make things easier for you. You just don't _care_. And it really sucks to be the one feeling like a fool trying to get through to you when you're making absolutely no effort whatsoever in making the process any easier an—"

"—will you just shut _up _for once?" Natsume dragged a hand down his face, ignoring Mikan's squawk of indignation. "I don't even know _how _you managed to jump from sex to this but you don't leave room for argument because you never shut _up_."

Mikan was up in a heartbeat, hands on her hips and brown eyes blazing with anger. "_I _never shut up? _I never shut up?_ I never shut up because you never listen, you swindling little armpit sweat!"

Natsume fought against his amusement and held on to his annoyance. "The reason I'm almost deaf in one ear is because I'm the only one who bothers to listen to you anymore." Then, as if he couldn't keep down the bubble of laughter itching at his throat, he added, "And where the hell do you get your insults?"

Mikan didn't look impressed. "I'm a Shakespearian." She lifted her chin. "And do you _have _to turn everything into a game? If you're hearing things in your head, you should tell me about it. I'm your partner, Natsume. I want to help you, even if you don't want to help yourself."

Natsume sighed, resisting the urge to rub his temples. Why was she always trying to send him on guilt trips? And why was it that every time she got an idea in her head, she couldn't let it go?

With as much patience as he could muster—which really wasn't all that much—Natsume tried to reason with her. "I'm not unappreciative—" Snort. "It was merely a stupid assumption. Your specialty."

She glared at him and leaned forward, as if inciting a challenge. "That is _not_ true! When have I ever made a stupid assumption?"

Natsume sent her an _'are-you-really-asking-me-to-list-them-off'_ look . When she remained stubborn, Natsume sighed once more. "There was that time you thought Iinchou was on crack and you were so dead set on it, you managed to get him suspended for a month, even though in reality, he had a sinus infection." She opened her mouth to protest, but he continued relentlessly. "Then there was that time when you were convinced Shoda had the fourth form Alice. After your attempt to 'save' her, you got her stuck in her cat-dog form for a week." Mikan winced at the memory. "And let's not forget about that time when—"

"Okay! I get it!"

Natsume began to smirk at the victory before she returned heatedly, "Why do you have to be such a jerk about this? At least I have good intentions when I try to help out."

"Good intentions won't get you anywhere," Natsume breathed darkly. He moved to lean against both of his palms and glanced up to see her standing directly in front of him. When their eyes met briefly, her eyes softened.

"That's not true." Mikan shook her head. "You've gotten so far with your good intentions."

"What are you talking about?" He muttered gruffly, turning his head away to stare out the window.

She stepped closer to him and rested her hands thoughtfully on his knees. "You _act_ like a big meanie. But you're just a big ball of fluff. I don't believe you're just the hard exterior you want everyone to see. Everything you do, you do it in a roundabout manner." She smiled lightly to herself. "In reality, you're looking out for us. Ruka, Hotaru, Tsubasa, me… just like we're looking out for you."

"You're just delusional," Natsume growled, looking away from her face. He wasn't doing it out of the goodness of his heart. He was just a big meanie, as Mikan would state. Of this, he was sure.

Mikan chuckled and shook her head, her voice taking on a playful, teasing lilt. "You're like a bear! You look all scary, but in reality you're just dying for a hug." She tilted her head in amusement. "I swear, if everyone only knew how much of a little kid you wer—"

"Shut up."

"—e, then they'd realize how stupid it was that they used to be so terrified of you. Oh, don't glare at me like that. You know it's true. To be honest, it's kinda cute. You could get lots of chicks if you just—"

"I said shut _up, _Polka dots," Natsume growled simultaneously.

Mikan continued with a huge Cheshire grin on her face, drumming her fingers on his kneecaps unconsciously as she ignored his request, "—showed that other side you try to keep hidden all the time. Then again, you're not having too much trouble with the ladies. Maybe that's what you're aiming for—_mmph!_"

Mikan's eyes flew open in surprise.

One moment she was teasing him towards his threshold of annoyance and the next, his hands had clamped onto her forearms and she'd been pulled roughly between his thighs and his lips were crushed against hers. His lips were rough and heated under her pliant flesh, _because_ _he'd wanted this for so longlonglong and she felt so good__,_ before he seemed to remember, this was his _Polka Dots _and she probably didn't understand the meaning of kisses like those.

Pulling back a millimeter, Mikan could feel the soft rumble of a chuckle in his chest before he fisted a hand into her hair and pulled her face closer for a softer kiss.

When their lips touched, there was fire.

It was less urgent, slow and gentle like velvet.

It was hard to be gentle and patient with her but he pulled it off and swallowed all of her sighs and reveled over just how soft she was. As much as he would've liked to resume the previous kiss, for some reason, his body just wouldn't allow it. She was just so soft, delicate. And with the hand on her frail neck and the tremble under his fingertips, Natsume thought,_ anything more would break her_.

And when she kissed him back, Natsume almost lost himself again.

She was going to _kill _him one of these days.

She pressed her lips harder into his and gently, so gently, he nipped her bottom lip.

The whimper that escaped her was almost his undoing.

Natsume pulled away and sucked in a tight breath to calm himself, ignoring the disarray of her brown hair and the dark red of her lips that told him, _you did that to her_! With a smirk at her dazed expression, Natsume placed a hand in his pocket and tilted his head, his raven locks falling away from his face. The left corner of his lips tugged upwards and his crimson eyes twinkled with faint amusement. "You finally shut up."

Mikan was beet red. For once, she found herself stumbling for words. "I—uh—_what was_—"

He leaned forward, their foreheads touching, "—Now let's see you do it again."

In the end, their friends were left to wonder why neither of them showed up to the party.

And the janitor could've sworn he'd locked the door.

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**The Postscript**

"They're not coming."

"Of course they're coming! Mikan wouldn't plan all of this just to let him off, Hotaru."

"My bet is that they're macking up in some closet."

"Sumire!"

"Iincho, stop looking so scandalized."

"… _soooo._ Instead of letting that cake go to waste, and for the sake of the Ethiopian children, I sha—"

"Touch that cake and _die_._"_

"That's_ it. _No more surprise parties."

Pause.

"Agreed."


End file.
